The Brummie Vines

A Wrinkle-Free Me...

2010-11-09T16:27:00.005Z

Well guys - I am notoriously bad for keeping you all updated - I am finding Twitter and Facebook are easier and quicker to update nowadays - but I promised you all that I was going to do this, SO HERE IT IS!!!

On Friday the 29th of October 2010, I was dispatched to my new neurosurgeon to see if I was a good candidate for an Occipital Nerve Stimulator (the implant for those of you who know what I'm talking about) Robs and I were dutifully early for my appointment, as we were VERY excited, having waited two years for this day!

The start of the interview, which was done by Dr. M's assistant, lasted for an agonising, but rewarding 90 minutes! Let me just say, that it was unbelievable to be afforded such athorough interview on the NHS- we have sometimes LITERALLY been given 15 minutes!

We discussed the how's; whens; and wheres in GREAT detail. At first it felt like I had already done 'all this and that' - but it soon became apparent, that his assistant, was building up an anatomy of my Migraines.

After the marathon interview, we were ushered back into the waiting room, to wait for another half hour or so. And then THE MEETING with Dr. M happened!!!! I felt instantly at ease with him! He was such a kind; understanding man. He talked through my migraines and then uttered the words I had been waiting to hear for almost two years now: 'You are an excellent candidate for the Occipital Nerve Stimulator.'

The downside was, that my Primary Care Trust had to 'okay' the procedure - and thelikelihood of that happening was VERY LOW! The PCT would probably ask me to have Botox first, as this would prove to be a much more cost effective option!

Robs and I were crestfallen - to have waited two years to learn this - and then have to wait to have the Botox injections, seemed almost too much to bear! You see, Botox has only just been licensed for use in headache on the NHS, in September this year! PCTS were reluctant to just 'dish the treatment out', as it was still quite a costly procedure (£660 every three months!)

Just when we thought that all was lost, he offered us the option of 'going private' - and paying to have Botox! Like someone sent by God; he had a private clinic, later on in the day - and he was going to be performing Botox on some other patients too and he would be able to fit me in!!

So off we trotted and came back at 17h00, and prepared for the 38 injections, that he would be administering. Lots of you have asked WHERE he does those injections, so I have attached a diagram below for you to check out!

Well it was not as sore as I had been expecting - but still painful! When we were finished, Dr M explained that it would take about 14 days to see the benefits - and then another course of injections 90 days later - to see some improvements in the migraines/headaches.

So far, I have seen a slight improvement in the severity and intensity of the headaches - so I remain optimistic. I will try and keep you updated with how things are progressing, but I make NO promises! LoL!

Ciao for now.

The Birds and the Bees

2010-09-21T08:05:00.000+01:00

Shaugs hit us with the: 'Dad what is sex' thing yesterday arvie... I needed a bottle of Jack Daniels! We had to endure telling a SEVEN year old 'THE FACTS OF LIFE'!

We went in strong; crumbled in the middle: regained our strength; came out the other side with JUST as much information as we deemed fit! I think his innocence is still preserved... Well... he WAS playing on the wii when I last checked... Not out raping & pillaging the villages of England. I think I can safely say: Your daughters are still safe with us!

The only tricky question came when he asked why we dont have other babies, if that was how they are made. We patiently explained about the 'hole in the sheet' and that: 'Sex should only be attempted a few times'... I must confess: I did become a blethering WRECK when he asked: 'Why; if all this happens; why there weren't any more brothers and sisters running around'...

I didn't know whether to beam with pride, in the misguided imaginings, that my son thought I had a fantastic sex life; or recoil in horror! All in all I think we did okay though...

Just when I thought I was out of the woods and on my FIFTH bottle of Jack D, he asked: 'How many eggs mom can lay; and how do they hatch inside her...' Clearly I didn't do well on the ol sex ed thingy! I'm feeling ragged around the edges peeps! Ragged around the edges...

AWOL & MIA - But OK...

2010-03-26T08:44:00.002Z

Hiya Peeps

Yeah, Yeah. I know. I am an horrific blogger and it just is not acceptable. I know that I said I was going to change my ways - but the truth is - I am just in so much pain, I cannot be arsed to even TRY and attempt a blog entry. About a month or three ago; I had a conversation with Mel, from Simply Mel, and I expressed to her that I was really battling to get the inspiration to write these entries.

During the course of our conversation, I was reminded of just WHY I started really writing this blog, and the reason was so that I could make sense of 'Bill' and keep distant friends and family up to date.

Well so far I think I have only managed to kinda make sense of 'Bill' - and I think I failed dismally in keeping you peeps up to date! Those of you that follow me on Facebook probably have a clearer idea of just how I am doing - cos I can usually manage a few sentences when the urge bites.

SO! I'm stuck in a bit of a dilema. Because I know that people are reading my blog at some time or another, but I just don't know who EXACTLY those people are. Do I carry on the blog? Or do I put this baby to bed and kiss it goodnight?

FEEDBACK PLEASE??!!!!

Taxation...

2009-12-19T07:29:00.004Z

So we've been doing the whole 'Tooth Fairy' thing for a while now, after Shaugs lost his first tooth about a year ago. At the time he was paid the princely sum of £25. (Yes People... I know I set myself up for a HUGE ass whipping NOW, but I didn't consider all of that at the time!!!)

OBVIOUSLY, we didn't give him the FULL £25, that was divided up between four other people: £5 from Robs and I; £5 from his Nanna; £5 from his beloved Poppa; and £10 from Nanna and Poppa's WRETCHED mates who we shall call 'Barbie and Ken'. I was DEAD SET against it at first, as I told them all, that as soon as the crafty wee critter cottoned on to the rather lucrative enterprise of mining his golden gnashers, all HELL would break loose!

Well that didn't take too long to happen now did it??! Of course not! So far, señor Onion has 'mined' FOUR of the dainty cash cows, and last night he mined his fifth... Now what we DID do, to our credit, was lower the amount given for this precious resource in increments - quite LARGE increments - until we got down to an OUTLANDISH £5 for the last one...

So this morning my mini Donald Trump squeezed his peepers open before the sparrows had even farted, and what was the first thing he did?! Yup! You guessed it: He made straight for the Tooth Fairy's Pillow, to withdraw the filthy lucre that had magically found it's way into his bedroom; only to discover, that the by now bankrupt Tinkerbell had '...only left four bloomin' Pounds Dad!'

To which I deftly replied: 'Yes boy, I know... Agnes asked me to tell you that she has deducted a pound for taxes...'

We've Bin 'Elfed'

2009-12-17T07:40:00.002Z

We'd Like to wish ya'll a Merry Crimbo and a Happy New Year - Fo' Shizzle...

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/vaV1pkwJT0Hopsrl

Just keep on treading water...

2009-12-16T18:23:00.004Z

Guys, I'm sorry if I have been remiss in keeping you all up to date. The truth is, that I have been HORRIFICALLY ill the past week with the combined effects of the chemo and the migraines, I don't think that I have had a single clear day - bar last week Wednesday, where we took FULL advantage of the pain free few hours I had!

We shot off to IKEA, to sample the Svvveeeeedish delights of home decorating, and had a ball wandering around checking out the various displays! We even discovered a 'Purple Headed People Grinch' - resplendent with a Santa hat, in the restaurant! Shaugs was most amused... Oh the wonders of living in a first world country!

I promise you I will write a decent post soon. It is all I can do right now to '...just keep on treading water'...

Ryan

-x-

Merry Christmas - Tree Decorators!

2009-12-07T17:33:00.004Z

Just finished decorating our tree tonight. Shaugs was BESIDE himself with excitement! Couldn't get a snap with the three of us - cos there was no-one to take the picture. Will update you all soon with some more news.

Black Thursday

2009-12-03T21:13:00.005Z

So I know that I am sometimes known for my 'chipper nature' and upbeat outlook towards life. But if I am honest - I am REALLY having a shitty time this last week or so.

To say that this has been a year from hell would be an understatement - and I will not be looking back on the last TWO years very happily at all. Sure there have been the times that I have laughed so hard my stomach has hurt; and the VALUABLE family times that I have shared with my loved ones - but then there has been a side of me, few have seen. A side, filled with black moods, one of which I find myself in today And if I am honest, it is this side of me that I am deeply ashamed of.

I have tried to remain, for the large part, upbeat and happy. I have tried to hide emotion behind humor. Sometimes I have succeeded - but today... Well lets just say that today, it has collided on the highway of life SPECTACULARLY! And the aftermath - it ain't pretty.

But I vowed when I started this blog; that no matter how hard, no matter how un-pretty; I would write about ALL aspects of this tumor and that I would write about HOW I was feeling with honesty.

So here I am. Stark Bollock Naked!

I guess when I was told that the Bilateral Nerve Blocks that I was going to be having on the 30th of November, were expected to alleviate a large chunk of the incessant driving pain that I feel EVERY second of EVERY minute of EVERY hour of... (you get the message) ... I never expected to find myself in such a blind rage just 36 VERY short hours after they had performed the procedure!

The reason for my unbridled anger and 'rage'? I have experienced NO change to the levels of pain thus far. The only relief I had was a brief flash in the pan. I don't have many answers at all. All I know is I am angry. I am angry at the doctors; I am angry at life; I am angry at me.

Not only am I angry - I am broken. I am broken and crying. You can pick yourself up, when you know that there is something you can hope for. But when you reach your 'hour of hope' - and there are no answers what do you do then?

Let's just say, my black mood reached critical mass today. I was sat in Shaugie's Christmas Play at 14h00 this afternoon in some of the worst pain I think I have ever experienced. Just 20 mins before curtain up; I was locked in the bathroom hurling my guts out from the combined effect of the chemo and the pain. But I SO did not want to disappoint that little boy and let him down.

And so - I dragged my sorry ass out into the hall - found a seat one row from the front; and waited. Thinking I was going to pass out at any point - not knowing how I was going to get through the next minute - let alone the next hour.

The hall door opened. In marched the kids. I locked eyes with Shaugs and I KNEW IMMEDIATELY from the concern on his face - that HE knew I was not well. And that was where I failed him.

You just have to look at that little face and etched all over it is the wisdom of a very old little boy. It was at the moment, our eyes locked together and did not split for a second of the 45 mins or so that the play lasted, that I felt I had failed my son.

To say my heart was in pieces is an understatement. He mouthed the words: "I Love You." and "Are you okay?" and it was all I could do to just nod and smile. It was in that moment I felt I had betrayed him - taken his 'moment in the light' away. Here he was singing his little heart out for me - SO PROUD of what he and his class had achieved - and ALL he could concentrate on, was me - and FECKING 'BILL' - screwing it all up for him!

I managed to contain my emotions until I put him to bed tonight - but my Sweet Lord - I just KNOW I will not sleep tonight. How can I keep putting my family through this.

How long can this go on for?

-x-

Forget Me Not

2009-11-29T13:50:00.004Z

I've been thinking about a lotta things lately - YES PEEPS - I DO THINK SOMETIMES! And I originally started this blog to help me understand what was happening to me because of what 'Bill' the brain tumour had done, and was doing to me.

I have recently had a lot of questions about 'Bill' and I realised that although I have written (sometimes quite technically) about 'Bill' - I have never really written about how we discovered 'Bill'. Well that was a very LONG and very painful journey, that I don't really want to go into GREAT detail right now. So let's just say for the sake of brevity, that it was quite by accident - after an artery burst, while I was in hospital in October 2008, and the doctors called for MRI and CAT scans.

A friend of mine asked me the other day, about 'Bill' and the symptoms that I experienced, that led to the discovery of said wee beastie... My mom first recalled me having 'episodes' where I would become 'blank' and 'stare-y' at around the age of 3. Quite a few of the 'experts' have questioned this; but I trust my mum and I think a mother does know best, what is happening to her child!

I still do have those episodes, where I go 'blank and stare-y'. This is immediately followed by what is known as 'a global amnesia episode'. I do not lose consciousness AT ALL i.e. I DON'T blackout - but I do not know who I am; where I am; or who anybody is; for anywhere from three quarters of an hour to an hour long.

People ask what this is like... It is FECKING FRIGHTENING to say the least. I don't forget how to 'do things'; like drive a car for example - but for that hour or so; I cannot recognise people or places and have to be 'talked down' from a massive panic attack.

There have been times where I have been on my own; and I have just stopped what I was doing; like delivering mail (when I worked as a postman); and sat down; (cried a little - okay, cried a lot!) and waited until I started to remember something. When the memories come back - they come back in short bursts; and that can be equally frustrating, as you are given random parts of your life back; some that don't even relate to the situation you are in!

My symptoms have been quite extreme, to say the least, with extremely long episodes of headache/migraine/pain before the blackout; followed by a STONKER of a migraine immediately after; where I basically collapse on the bed and sleep for the better part of the day. The weird thing is, for that brief hour where I am experiencing the blackout; I am COMPLETELY pain free! As the memories come back, so does the pain.

I was also asked if my school work was ever affected and I definitely maintain that it did affect my school work. I seem to recall a few episodes where I went blank and stare-y in class - but in those days the teachers just used to put that down to Ryan 'zoning out' and 'being away with the fairies'. When it came to exams and exam time; I found that I had to work my ass off, to try and catch up on things that I didn't ever remember learning in class - and I had to effectively 're-teach' myself! (Quite scary!) And there were times that the old excuse 'I forgot to do my homework' was a GENUINE reason! LoL!

For me, it was something that I had kind of HAD to get used to from a very young age. But I think I only realised just how serious the episodes were, after we had Shaughan. There were times where I had 'a blackout', but I was FORTUNATELY with Robs; so it was alright. One incident I can remember vividly though, I was on my own with Shaugs.

I was busy driving him to nursery one morning and just looked up into the rear view mirror, to discover a toddler; in a kiddies seat; in the back of the car! I just about had a heart attack on the spot! I thought I had stolen someones car with their child in the back - after all; that was the only 'logical' explanation!

Fortunately we were on a quiet country road; and I had the presence of mind to pull over somewhere quiet; check the wallet and mobile phone I found in the consol; look up the most dialled number on the phone (which happened to be 'Beany Poo') took a flying risk and called the number! When Robs answered the phone, she realised what was happening through the tone in my voice and she talked me down; got me to take out the Sat Nav; and basically talked me back in!

Shaughan was aware of what was happening but he was quite relaxed. At one point, he broke my heart into sixty million pieces, when he said: 'Don't worry daddy - I know you can't remember; but I'll remember things for you. Your name is Ryan'. We have never hidden what is happening with me, from him - but we do guard WHAT we tell him. He is after all a child, and I want him to have as 'normal' an upbringing as possible.

Robs has dealt with it all in her own way. She has been an absolute TOWER of strength, never wavering, and ALWAYS there for me and for Shaugs. I sometimes feel incredibly guilty that she has to deal with all of this, while trying to raise a family - but she is a real trooper and has never complained.

It was after that particular episode with Shaugs, that we started seriously pushing my old neurologist to come up with answers. He was extremely dismissive at first and wouldn't even entertain us (One time he refused to even attend our scheduled appointment!) It was after that, that we DEMANDED a new neurologist, and about the same time, that the artery burst, while I was in hospital. I think the doctors realised that they were possibly dealing with something quite serious and so we were referred to my current Neurosurgeon.

So that people is the 'brief' story of 'Bill' so far. I am always open to more questions - so don't be shy to ask - I will always answer you with pleasure. For now - I gotta go have a small sleep - as I am quite knackered after blogging. I never realised just how much, emotionally, it would take out of me to write about 'Bill'. But I'm glad that I did!

Ciao

-x-

Boo! And you thought I slunk off Quietly...

2009-11-26T08:54:00.010Z

Well, I am off to the neurosurgeon on Monday for, what I hope is, my final set of nerve blocks. My neuro told me a year ago, that he likes to perform the nerve blocks three times before severing the occipital nerve entirely. This is so that the patient (me) can gauge how they can manage with a numb skull...

Let me just say, I think I will manage quite fine thank you very much! Anything is better than feeling like 'Jason' from 'Friday the 13th' has been set loose on your brain with a blunt butter knife and 15 litres of pure rubbing alcohol!

I am now 4 weeks in to my Chemo, and nausea and tiredness seem to be the two overriding factors that I feel. Some days, more than most, the bone numbing exhaustion really smacks me from behind. At first I tried fighting it, but lately I just don't have the energy! LoL.

In the midst of all of this tiredness and nausea, it would appear, that I have managed to glean ONE brand new follower! Woo Hoooo! Would the room please be upstanding for the lovely Simply-Mel. Simply-Mel has been 'giving me gears' the last few days, because I hadn't had the energy, or the inclination, to post of late! So I dragged my bone tired, retching self off, to park in front of the pompcuter and do a wee bit of blogging. LoL. I hope you are happy Mel! (tee hee)

You probably all remember my friend Kirsty - Well she has apparently tagged me and I have to respond, by answering a few questions. As usual, our little Taliban-Tinkerbell doesn't care about rules, and so I will be playing by her rules today!

Kirsty's way is as follows:

"The next 6 things you read are things you probably/possibly never knew about me. They may be fact or fiction... it's up to you to decide which you think is real or fake. They may also ALL be real, or all be fake!! If you partake in the guessing game, I will tell you which are correct!"

Here goes:

1.) Cast your mind back to a different time, a time when we were all young and innocent. That time was 1981. May of 1981 to be precise, and I had just moved to South Africa. Kirsty just happened to be in the same school (Bryandale Primary) and the same class - and even remained in my class, right up to Matric!

(see photographic exhibit one)

(I am 1st on the left; second row down. Kirsty is 2nd on the left third row down)

Fast forward a few decades, and I rediscovered that wee imp, through the wonders of Vleis Broek; Face Bike; Farce Book or whatever else you want to call it! So Fact (or Fiction) 1: is that I have known Kirsty 27 years. O.M.G.!!! I just felt myself age like Rumpelstiltskin! TWENTY SEVEN YEARS! Kirsty is my 'Picture of Dorian Grey'... If I happen to clap eyes on her visage, I shall instantly wither and age!

2.) Despite my dashing good looks and fabulous personality - I have only ever had 3 serious girlfriends, and I have been engaged twice. (Phew - Thank You Jesus, that I dodged the first bullet!) Not to speak ill of the Ex, but she was a psycho bunny on steroids!

3.) I am DESPERATELY broody, and would have another wee nipper snapping at Bean's heels in a heartbeat! I have been like this for the last 18 months, and I think Shaugs would benefit HUGELY from a baby brother or sister. The one who is putting the brakes on BEEG time is the other party, who needs to carry our new addition for 9 very short months! I am working on Bean though, so watch this space...

4.)Having just wittered on about WANTING another baby, I genuinely sometimes feel like such a failure as a dad. I am getting better with regard to showing Shaugs more patience but I guess every one of us, at some time, feel a failure.

5.) I am actually quite scared by what the future holds. Full Stop. I really do sometimes wonder what lies just ahead, to the point of worrying about it. I dislike things that I cannot control INTENSELY! Hence you could say I am a bit of a control freak...

6.) I wish my Nanna, who we nicknamed Floss, had lived a few more years, so that Bean and Shaugs could have met her. Floss was strong; feisty; such a larger than life personality, and HUGELY funny! She was a scream! there wasn't a day; hour or minute that Floss didn't see the funnier side of life - and let everybody else know it too! Driving through the countryside the one day, she turned to my mum (who by this stage was about 50 odd) and said: "I joined the circus when I was younger... But gave it all up for you..." When my mum asked her incredulously WHAT she had done in the circus, without missing a beat she replied in her broad Scottish accent: "I walked that high wire thingy, in a skimpy wee bikini..."

OK - Now this is the bit where I was supposed to do the tagging. I don't have any 'usual suspects' But if you wanna jot down your answers on a postcard, I would gladly read them and reply to you!

Ryan's Guide to Lady Things #2... 'Special Grumpy Lady Time'

2009-11-09T14:38:00.001Z

Here is some more of my wisdom about those bizarre things about women that us blokes don't know, are never told and yet are expected to have explicit knowledge of when tested.

This time...

'Special Grumpy Lady Time'

SGLT is some sort of made-up disease that girls catch on a monthly basis, and despite this similarity to man-flu, the similarities end there.

The disease itself seems to occur on a regular basis, usually following about a week of pleasant, civilised behaviour. The various behaviour patterns usually follow this pattern.
Week 1. Pleasant, civilised behaviour. The lady will possibly do the washing up, be naughty in bed, and let you watch an episode of Thundercats without complaining.
Week 2. Grumpy bitch
Week 3. Grumpy, uncomfortable bitch
Week 4. Grumpy, fragile bitch.
This 'cycle' then repeats.

During week 3, so the adverts tell me, some kind of blue liquid is emitted, and this must be absorbed in a number of ways.
1. A little sponge on a string. From what i gather these appear to be bullet shaped, and come with some sort of insertion device, called an 'applicator'. This may or may not be spring-loaded.
2. Things with wings. These are sponges that sellotape onto a girl's pants. They do not allow girls to be able to fly. This is more due to poor piloting skills, and lack of knowledge of aerodynamics and such.
Modern advancements in Things with Wings include the ability to play pinball with your ladybits, something to do with pearls and 1GB mp3 player.

There are several cures for this disease
1. Avoid ladies during weeks 2-4. This is usually impossible, as ladies deliberately catch SGLT at different times, so men can never be happy.
2. Old age. After about 50 years, the lady's body decides we've suffered enough, and gives us men a 'pause' from grumpyness. By this time though we've usually had enough and retired to our shed.
3. Pregnancy. This is actually only a cure for blue liquid, with the drawback of completely removing week 1 from the cycle. Also, babies are a result of this.

Anyway, there's the sum total of all my SGLT knowledge. Enjoy.

Ryan's Guide To Lady Things... Make Up

2009-11-09T14:32:00.003Z

Hello there, just thought i'd say hi and share my wisdom and research with you.
Today i has been researching the lady-thing known as make up.

HISTORY
Make-up was invented (or 'made up' chortle) by probably a frenchman, in an effort to make some ugly girl look humpable, in about the year 1532ish. For the sake of argument, let's call him French Bob.
Using various ingredients gathered from his 16th century inventor's desk (tipp-ex, red wine, weetabix) he no doubt made a concoction so wonderful that life without painted-up lady-faces would never be heard of again.

TYPES OF MAKE-UP
1. Eye make-up
2. Face make-up
That is all the types of make-up, but for the sake of you men who sit wobbling in the corner every time you stray away from the novelty gift section of Boots, i shall go into greater detail...

1. EYE MAKE-UP
There are three sub-categories of eye make-up...
a. Mascara
This is some kind of eyelash paint, held on some kind of inverted brush pen thing. This allows girls to have longer eyelashes, useful for fighting wasps.
There are two fun things about mascara, firstly that if (and possibly when) you make a girl cry, it draws on magical manga cry-lines down their face. Secondly, if they forget to clean it off before bed, it can lead to a girl's eyelashes sticking together, thus giving them a unique jail-like experience.
b. Eye-liner
Eye-liner is like a pencil to make girl's eyes look similar to a cartoon character, or perhaps a panda. The pencil itself is useless as an actual writing implement, going all squishy at the first sign of pressure, causing arguments, even though it's her fault that she tidied up all the pens and left her eye-liner on the top of the fridge.
There is a male equivalent of eye-liner, hilariously called 'guy-liner'. This is only used by 'emo' boys (emo meaning 'pale fan of vampire-themed television') or droogs from a clockwork orange.
c. Eye-Shadow
This is a mysterious powder (more on them below) that girls apply to their upper eyelids. Because blue eyelids are a sign of healthiness.

2. FACE MAKE-UP
There's no real need to sub-categorise face make-up, as it only really consists of powders that stick to a lady's face, covering up their lumpy face skin, and in the case of blusher, making them look out of breath, like they've been on a run or something. Apparently there is some sort of difference between concealer and foundation but I think this is just some sort of marketing scam to make ladies fork out £40 a go for the smallest bottle of brownish liquid in the world.

3. MOUTH MAKE-UP
Lip-liner, Lip-gloss, Lip-stick. These three substances exist to do one thing, and one thing only - to stain men. Apparently by making their lips look more red and pronounced, this makes girls appear more eager to have sex. I find taking your top off works just as well. And is also a lot cheaper...

Anyway, that is my useful guide to all things womanly and make-uppish. I hope you have found it more useful than anything else ever. Which quite clearly it is.

25 FIRSTS

2009-09-12T23:00:00.006+01:00

QUICK UPDATE

'BILL' the brain tumor is not doing too well of late (MARVELOUS news). I am now on 'Proton Therapy' to knock the wee sucker dead (BLOODY MARVELOUS NEWS) and I am still hanging in there (FANTASTIC NEWS)

Will keep you posted on further 'Bill' updates - but in the meanwhile... Seeing as I have been so HORRIFIC at keeping my blog up to date, Kirsty Weaver wrote one of these a few days ago and so I felt the urge to do one too...

TWENTY FIVE FIRSTS

1. Who was your first dance date?

My first dance date, her name was J, I was 16, she was 18! (Oooooo an OLDER woman)

I arrived to fetch her at her mum’s house all excited by the DIVINE creation of a dress, I had been hearing about for WEEKS. Her mum even had a MATCHING BOW TIE made!!

The front door opened and she walked down the passage wearing a blue crimpelene sack… I was MORTIFIED!

I spent the night dragging her outta the toilets, where she had been bust smoking and swigging from a bottle of J.C LeRoux. At the after party (the aptly named THUNDERDOME), she drank my wallet dry and then hurled all over the dance floor…CHARMING

2. Do you still talk to your first love?

IT WAS NOT J! But No. But I can happily report, that I think my ex is still with the same guy who I caught her in bed with!

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?

I was a bit of a ‘Late Starter’… But I made up for time when I raided my father’s home bar – and drank it dry – LITERALLY… I think I had alcohol poisoning – but that cannot be verified, as there is still some debate as to how much Vodka; Gin; Whisky and Brandy there was in the bottles before I finished them.

4. What was your first job?

I worked in at Etkinds, Sandton City. It was THE photographic shop to work for at the time, and I earned a small fortune back in 1987, when I earned the princely sum of R80 a day! I also got the chance to win a R20 bonus for selling the most…

5. What was your first car?

A canary yellow 1979 Mazda 323… CBG 516 T Hooboy did I know how to style or WHAT!

6. Who was the first person to text you today?

Bean (My wife Robyn).

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?

Bean.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?

Mrs Hall Green, a consummate BEYATCH of note! When I had a migraine and got nauseous, she made me sit in class even after I had hurled all over the desk – until I had cleaned the mess up!

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane?

To Victoria Falls on an 'Air Rhodesia' Viscount..

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?

Ages 4-8. Warren Hickey – and nah – he left to go and live in Canada – and I never heard from him again. Then Peter Challis - still chat to him occasionally.

11. Where was your first sleepover?

My house - Warren Hickey and he peed in the bed and cried, so my mum had to call his mum, to come and collect him.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today?

Bean! She was in the English Seaside Town anomaly known as – BLACKPOOL - on a company conference and I wanted to make sure she behaved herself LOL.

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time?

My Aunty Shirley’s Wedding – I was a pageboy who wore a kilt. OI! Stop snickering… I wore a kilt, when I got married too!

14. What was the first thing you did this morning?

Threw my wee munchkin, Shaugie, outta bed so that he was in time for school.

15. What was the first concert you went to?

1985 Concert in the Park – Ellis Park. Rock On!! Woo hooooooo.

16. First tattoo?

Celtic 'eye' design on my right bicep! 30^th Birthday Present from Bean.

17. First piercing?

1989… My ear – I was ‘rebelling’ (don’t have that anymore).

18. First foreign country you went to?

United Kingdom.

19. First movie you remember seeing?

'eLollipop' Was a heartbreaking South African Story, about the friendship between a farmer’s son and his best mate – the farmhand’s little boy… Still scarred to this day…

20. What state did you first live in?

Technically in Rhodesia - but later in the Transvaal.

21. Who was your first room mate?

I never had a room mate/housemate until I moved out of home and in with my best friend Hans Rooseboom.

22. When was your first detention?

1985. Std 6 – Simone Ormrod and I were bust writing a VERY colourfully worded letter about a certain BEYATCH of teacher (Miss Johnson). I got six of the best from the headmaster - and then landed up with ANOTHER detention with the BEYATCH herself. Hoo-boy! Was it worth it - HELL YEAH! (and I meant every word in the letter too!)

23. If you had one wish what would it be?

To be done with the 'Bill' the brain tumor so that I can stop living in limbo. And to get Bean 'up the duff' before this year is out... tee hee.

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance?

How to make MORE money easily!

25. Who will be the next person to post this?

Ummm nobody - cos NOBODY EVER responds to my Blog anyway!!!

Baptisim...

2009-02-05T13:08:00.008Z

Okay - So it's Sheeting with snow here AGAIN in the 'Land of Sog'.

Shaugs has an eye infection: I have a sore head; and Robs is stuck in the cabin with the two of us, contemplating whether or not braving Frostbite and Hypothermia is better than braving TWO males with MAN Symptoms...

As I write, Shaugs is NOW bitching cos he found a PEA in his Fish Pie lunch... and MOTHER has JUST TORN him a new one! Happy Families! So I needed to ask - at what age do I actually lose the will to live anymore??!

You see, the dilemma we are currently facing is, we have a Captain Pee Pee in the house - with a rather rampant fire hose - and NO it ain't me!

Now I don't ever remember being told REPEATEDLY not to whizz on the toilet seat; the walls or (on one rather rare occasion) the bathroom ceiling! I remember just getting on with the 'business at hand' and making sure the bathroom was clean for the next person... BUT - you see, we are currently being baptised in little boy wee... and I'm ready to commit MOIDER...

It's not like he's following by example - I LIFT the toilet seat - put it down again and flush when finished, and - at one point after having the Laparotomy - even resorted to (SKANDAAL) piddling like a lady (oooo I'm a laydee) And that's when I truly discovered the wrath of Shaugs...

Silent midnight runs to the loo have been exchanged with SHRIEKS (akin to something at the Wailing wall in Jerusalem) - followed by rather potty mouthed language!

Yesterday in 'Costa (lotta money) Coffee' He asked me to accompany him to the bathroom - and promptly anointed my shoes and jean pant with holy water! The water might have been holy - but my mouth would've made a sailor blush!

So how DO you get a five year old to 'aim for the water' and make as many bubbles as possible - and then clean up after himself??! (WITHOUT scaring him for life and creating a 'problem') I have taken him aside and had a good ol' father/son chat and we'll have to see how things 'pan out' - so to speak!

-x-

QUESTIONS!!! Questions...

2009-02-01T13:23:00.007Z

Ok - So one of my oldest (not in age - but in terms of HOW long we’ve known each other) friend's, has this HILARIOUS Blog called The Weaver’s Nest - (http://theweaversnest.typepad.com/the_weavers_nest/2009/01/index.html) and she started this WHOLE rumble of Asking me 5 Questions - that I have to answer - and then post on my Blog... so here goes:

Kirsty Weaver’s Questions For Ryan:

1.) You recently had an extended stay in an NHS hospital.

I have had TWO extended stays in DIFFERENT Hospitals in the past four months - 'Good Hope' (or NO HOPE - as some smartie pants people like to call it!) and The Stoke Royal Infirmary (about an hour and a half North of us) Good Hope was fantastic while I was in the High Dependancy Unit. But I began to despair in the Main Ward, when the demented old Bullet in the bed next to me kept getting outta bed and thinking that My bed was in fact his own personal bathroom en-suite. I am scarred for life and now - and If I wake up with someone standing over me - I automatically think that they are trying to 'go potty' on my head!

The Stoke Royal Infirmary has taken the cake though. I was treated BETTER than when I was in High Care - and actually came home with delusions of grandeur... hehe - but one downside, the food was SHOCKING! (This from a man who could keep NOTHING down!)

He he Kirsty! A Gentlemen NEVER TELLS - so here goes:

a.) How did you keep sane,

I kept sane by plugging in my iPhone: and trying to shut out what was going on around me and also to switching on my 'Binaural Beats' application. They are a set of Audio 'beats' that are supposed to override the Brain's responses and retune the brain to a new way of thinking. Don't know if it worked - but It Definitely helped when I was having 'a bloodbath hurricane pain day!'

b.) Did you fancy any of the nurses? (Although physio's are MUCH hotter than nurses, but I don't think any physios would have visited/treated you!) (KIRSTY IS A PHYSIO FOR THOSE WHO HADN’T GUESSED.)

If you are partial to 40 something nurses with a penchant for calling you 'Dooks' and 'Petal' ('Ducks' and 'Petal' for our Non-English friends) - then NO! I didn't fancy any of them - and NONE of them looked as good as Robs does in her little Anne Summers Nurse's Outfit...

In fact some of those nurses were a bit downright scary some of 'em! Wouldn't wanna run into any of them in a dark alley - although in hindsight they WOULD be able to re-suss you after raping and murdering you...

2.) You have 1 child are you planning more? How many would you like, and what sex?

HEY! You been reading my diary??! Ummmmm... (okay - this is gonna set the cat among the pigeons!) The short answer is YES! I would love to have another wee Vine running around - funny thing that - Death and Hospital's spur us on to procreate - NO WONDER YOU HAVE 3 OF THE LITTLE ONES KIRSTY!!!

I would just like one more little one - and Yes. Sex would be good (anytime) thanx! (not that I ain't getting me sum - eish - you know how to make a keyboard blush Kirsty!)

3.)What have you found more challenging: Being a husband, or being a father, and Why?

Being a husband has come relatively easy for me - for Robs being a husband has been harder... hehe No seriously - Being a father is WAY more difficult! You CONSTANTLY have a little sponge COPYING EVERYTHING that you say/do! I haven't Battled with it - just found it HARDER than what I thought it may have been... But I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING!

4.) If you could be any where else right now,

a.) Where would you be?

On a beach in Barbados - sunning it up and drinking 'umbrella' cocktails... Bearing in mind the 'Siberian Cold Front' we have been warned about, arrived this morning and we woke to a brass monkey ringing our doorbell asking if we knew a good welder - and that white stuff called: SNOW!

b.) What would you be doing?

Do I have to paint a picture: Me; a Beach; a little bell to summon the waiter with the drinks; my ‘mankini’ and a bevy of Gorgeous... Robyn's!

5.)In Friends, Ross and Rachel had a list of celebs that they were allowed to sleep with if they met them. Who would be on your list? Who would be on Dans list?

Ummmm Well It would NEVER happen so ummmm... NOBODY - and I dunno who would be on Dan's - 'cos I haven't got a cooking clue who 'Dan' is... hehe

IF ANY OF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ME INTERVIEWING THEM: Here are the rules:

1.) If you'd like to be interviewed, leave a comment saying ‘interview me’ and your email address, and I'll send you 5 questions

2.If you want to keep your email address private, email me your request to interview you. (Your email address)

3. I will email you five questions.

4. Answer the questions on your blog.

5. Post rules on your blog with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed.

6. Try and personalise the questions to the particular blogger.

WHOAH THERE COW-PEOPLE!!! I'm NOT dead yet!

2009-01-27T01:03:00.008Z

OAKEY COCKEY... So I'm getting a lot of rather worried emails from peeps who, very touchingly, are concerned for my well being. I certainly never meant to scare ANYONE with the chronicles of my life in blog-land! If I'd known this at the start - I wouldn't have even written about this wretched little nothing of a brain tumour - called 'Bill'...

I started writing about 'Bill more as a therapy for myself and to help ME understand what is going on... and also to keep concerned family and friends who were far away informed as to WHAT was happening! So before this blows COMPLETELY outta the water - I just want to set some minds at rest - before ya'll write me off!

The years of headaches and migraines I have endured, have more than likely been caused by 'Bill' - but one can't be too sure. Just to reassure you, the week that I have spent in Hospital has been PACKED with Intra Venus Infusions of 'Bill' busting meds - the steroids and DHE are designed to specifically reduce the size/swelling of 'Bill'. The nausea and diarrhea was a bit difficult to get used to as well as the cramps and bloating - but hey - we just kyk noord...

I also take heart that the Neuro (WHAT AN AMAZING GUY!!! - TOTALLY SENT BY GOD!!!) is fully calm and collected about the whole palaver. He's 'been there - done that' and has the t-shirt and the stretch marks to prove it!

I am scheduled for a follow up in about 4 weeks - and they will reassess whether or not the current treatment has been successful and what way forward we go from here.

It really touches me that there are people standing and agreeing in prayer with us that everything is going to come right in JESUS NAME!!! You and I both know there is no distance in prayer - and that is the most important thing!

I have learnt some very valuable lessons in the past couple of months: and the words of another very brave young lady called 'Heather' - whose Blog I was introduced to, pretty much sums up best EXACTLY how I am feeling right now.

So I'm gonna take what she said and expand a little on it - I hope you don't mind Heather!

What have I learned?

It isn’t about 'Bill'. It isn’t about what 'Bill' has the ability to do to MY body, it isn’t about the treatments or the part of us it tries to take away; its about the journey.

Its about rediscovering the parts of yourself that you never ever knew or dreamed existed, and giving them room to grow and room to take flight. Its about seeing life through other people's eyes and being better because of it, being more whole and more alive despite it.

Its about living.

Sure there are going to be days that I feel like a Pantechnicon truck just bulldozed over me. There are going to be days when I wake up after a rough night and a bad bought of 'pain' and I think “Who is that person, and where did he come from!?” But there are going to be pain free days where I'm fully alive and energized too! And those are the days I'm gonna seize with both hands and live to the full, its part of 'the journey'. Its a part of life. But its not the only part. Its not the defining part.

The defining part is: I am still a husband. I am still a father. I am still a son. I am still a son of the Most High King of Kings. I am still the same Ryan that I was before I found out about 'Bill'.

Just a little more - NO - alot more mature and a heck of alot less naive. I still have the same heart, the same dreams, the same desires. I am still me. The migraine headaches and 'Bill' can NEVER take that away.

It has only made me stronger.

-x-

UPDATED CAT Scan

2009-01-26T17:50:00.004Z

'TOOMA Humour'

MEET BILL - NOW LET'S KILL BILL!!!

2009-01-23T10:30:00.006Z

Update for all those 'interested' people:

'Bill' is an Oligodendroglioma - a tumour located at the base of my brain stem.

Granted he is only a low grade '1' (stoopid for those in the know) but for the time being - he makes up some EXTRA fatty cells that surround all nerve cells, known as a 'myelin sheath'... And as any of you know - I DO NOT TOLERATE FAT IN MY LIFE - wanted or unwanted!

The trouble is they won't operate on 'Bill' - because they can't! If they cut too close to the area of the brain stem where 'Bill' is, they could cause too much unnecessary damage and make me a vegetable - and as ALL of you know that just wouldn't do... cos I am a certified 'MEAT'-ETERIAN!!!

So that is why the course of action that has been decided has been a combination of steroids and DHE - to reduce inter cranial pressure and thereby eliminate some/most of the pain, by resetting the pain signal in the brain! And also the combined doses of steroids and DHE have definitely resulted in some relief and I do seem to recall the Candyman (The Neuro) saying they were pleased with the results thus far.

ANY relief/shrinkage/lack of pain at this stage is welcome!! The talk of severing the occipital nerves at the base of my skull has not been bandied about too much of late either - but in hindsight it is a rather 'permanent' solution to discover that you don't like being called a 'numbskull' - literally! And so they have spoken about the less permanent option of occipital nerve block injections to SEE how I react FIRST before any permanent decisions are made!

The downside of some of the treatment thus far has been far outweighed by the benefits - but the thrice daily doses of IV drugs and steroids have become nauseating to say the least - and I am pleased to say that nothing I eat for breakfast; lunch or supper gets a chance to weld itself to the walls of my gut either! All in all I think I may just come out looking like a Greek God - instead of a goddamn Greek (no offence to any Greeks out there!!)

Anyhoo - I must get back to my busy schedule of hurl; bekak and sleep - so Chin up ol' boy - there's life in this old bastard yet! You can't stomp on good ol' Scottish stock!! As I always say - "Don't bang on the kennel till you've seen the size of the Bitch Fight inside..."

-x-

Hi Ho It's off to Hospital I go...AGAIN!

2009-01-18T12:32:00.008Z

Hi guys!

Yip I have been HORRIFIC on keeping the updates on the blog going - but if the truth be told, I have been truly blindsided by the recovery time that I have had to go through over the past few months from the stomach op. Since my op, I have battled CONSTANT pain and NIGHTMARE migraines, as I cannot take too many pain killers, for fear of stuffing up my already delicate stomach - and been almost constantly nauseous. I also knew that I had to try and get my strength up for my next stint in hospital which has been looming ever closer.

Needless to say - that's not an excuse - so please let me just say: Sorry.

2008 was not a year I will look back on fondly. In the words of Queen Betts: "It was my Anus Horribalus" - my horrible bum...

But the last few months of 2008 did fortunately shape up to be better in the end. We had a DREAM Christmas that was filled with what EVERY Christmas should be - Family; Food and LOOT! And boy oh boy did we score BEEG this year!

Spoiling aside - Robs and I sneaked off, at the end of last year for a belated second honeymoon and a fabulous end to the year, while my mum got to spend valuable Nanna and Shaugie time with her beloved third grandchild.

The other good news is that I'm off to Hospital tomorrow Morning (Monday the 19th of January 2009) for a minimum of two weeks. YIP I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STRANGE - but it was decided in December, when I saw my FABULOUS new Neurosurgeon, that I was to be admitted for a minimum of 14 days, so that they could assess the tumour, and decide what course of treatment they were going to take with regards to removing/ reducing the size of said wee beastie.

The bad news (for me) is, that I will NOT be receiving ANY pain relief while in hospital. This was made patently clear, as they need me to be in as much pain as possible. Now I hear a whole heap of you saying: "What kinda crackpot health system would do THAT to someone in pain to try and help them." The truth is, I cannot have pain relief, as they are planning on definitely performing Occipital Nerve Block injections and very possibly severing the occipital nerves at the base of my skull entirely, in an effort to try and kwell the pain PERMANENTLY in the event that they cannot operate on the wee beastie and or reduce or it. So long term benefit for short term pain!

There are a whole HEAP of Ifs, Buts and Maybes hanging on the line - but the Neurosurgeon has said that he will try EVERY avenue that he can medically, to offer me a solution - no promises - but at this stage ANY hope is being grasped at with BOTH hands.

While in hospital I will also be receiving an IV infusion of DHE or dehydroergotomine. That is supposed to stave off any severe migraines that may happen - but it will not offer me relief from the day to day pain that I feel.

So that means that I will, more likely than not - be incommunicado for the next wee while - but I promise to let you all know how it has gone once I am out.

So I'll see y'all soon and be good while I'm not here!

Lotsa Love

-x-

Ryan's awfully BIG adventure.

2008-10-16T07:32:00.002+01:00

So there I was lying prone on an operating table in a ice cold theatre - trussed up like a chicken, puking blood and guts - and all I heard was:

'We're going to have to cut you from your sternum to your WHOO HOO; unpack all your organs to try and find WHERE the hell you are spurting blood from! Just relax...' HA!

And Yip - they did it - literally unpacked what feels like THE LOT - gave my liver to Muhammed Ali for 15 round of sparring - my spleen they just chucked on the floor and stomped on for a couple of minutes and then they found the source of my 'Ol Faithful' spurter - (a ruptured Artery in the Lower Duodenum) which at this point had cost me the princely sum of 5 - yes FIVE - litres of blood. And so they promptly cut and sewed me up - in what lasted as a two hour operation.

In the words of the surgeon 'We came DANGEROUSLY close to losing you on the table'... Nice - very nice thought!

It appears that 'Ol Faithful' had been contributing to the cause of my malaise over the last year - and it all came to a head - so to speak - on the 27th of September - when I started to puke blood. Ever the optimist - I left it until the Monday - in the hopes that it would resolve itself, cos I didn't want to worry Robs!

By the time we hit the hospital I had lost about a litre of blood over three days - but by the time they had done two endoscopes to try and see if they could find the bleed - which they couldn't - I had lost about three litres of blood and then by the time they realised I was in serious trouble and shipped me off to theatre - I had lost about 4 litres of blood - and yes peeps it was LITRES - not pints - my blood pressure had plummeted to a top pressure of 45!

So after a massive operation in which they removed a foot of my intestines and a humongous blood transfusion, they managed to stablise me enough to move me to the High Dependancy Unit - where I spent 4 and a half days in a hazy bliss mist of Morphine; Ketamine and the constant bleep of heart machines.

I have only just been released - but came home to a mass of cards; and emails. So thanks to everyone who was so concerned and sent your love and wishes - it is VERY much appreciated!

I just wanted to tell you all I am okay - just a bit sore - and feel like me insides are gonna fall out the scar everytime I stand up - but I am on the mend and will keep you all posted.

On the migraine and headache front, the results of the MRI scan I had just before going in to hospital has come back and shown a cyst in the septum pellucidum and is related to the ventricular system - WHAT that means at this stage - I don't know - but I have an appointment to see a new Neurosurgeon soon - so I'll keep you posted on that front too! Good Lord - only a few pips shy of forty and I nearly fell apart!

Clearly I have a mission I haven't completed just yet - and for that I am grateful!

All my Love

Ryan

-x-

Nanna & Poppa are Coming to live in The UK!

2008-06-03T02:37:00.000+01:00

Well it's 02h30 in the morning and I am restlessly trying to get to sleep. You see my Mum is coming to live in the UK - yes Folks - Shaugie's beloved Nanna & Poppa are on the aeroplane right now as we speak jetting their way to this green and pleasant isle!

The last time I even lived in the same city as Mum was back in 1994 - when we left JHB to pick up the pieces of our lives after my Mum's divorce to my Dad - and go live in Durban - where she has stayed ever since.

I'm not scared by her coming to live in the same city as us - in fact I am SO relishing the thought that Shaugie will be having his Nanna and Poppa (my stepdad Gary) living 5 km's down the road from us that I think that is why I can't sleep!

It will also be a relief for me especially to know that she is not stok steen alleen in Kloof - in a big House - with crime the way things are - when Gary is away at work.

I think it will also do the wee tyke the world of good to have his grandparents so close - as he absolutely adores them. And if I know them - They will fall in love with the true angel sent by God - that I have.

That little boy has bought healing where there was hurt; and shown me that it is possible to love someone (other than my GORGEOUS wife) so completely! He has healed broken hearts - and all through the simplest of things - a hug here - a kiss there - but heal me he really has.

The next few weeks are going to be filled with a whirlwind of activity - but I'll keep you posted!

I'm starting to feel sleepy now - and the school photographer is at the school today - so I better get my weary eyes shut and have a good ol' Dudu!

Peace

Ryan

I MADE IT!

2008-05-17T17:23:00.000+01:00

Well to those of you who thought that I wouldn't do it - I climbed Mount Snowdown - in the Welsh drizzle - full of nats and mozzies - and summited at around 11h30 - after setting off at 09h00. It was a seven mile hike to the base of 'The Beast' as we have fondly named her (Mount Snowdown) - but even that didn't deter me! It seemed like Grand Bloody Station going up - and at the top it was even more of a circus - apparently there were over 500 hikers on the mountain on Saturday!

By the time we got to the top - it was inevitably covered in mist and fog - and we couldn't see the magnificent view - but it was an accomplishment all the same! I was amazed at how rude some of the folks were - pushing and shoving you to get you outta their way - but I soon learnt to push and shove back!

I'll post some piccies - when they've been downloaded - so keep your peepers open - and you can have a good ol' laugh at 'Wheezer' as I eventually got nicknamed by some old biddy who was climbing up behind me! Cheeky So and So! I have posted the Google Earth 'Side view' of the mountain - but if you wanna go and check it out - it's quite an impressive mountain - it's in Wales - just type in Mount Snowdown; Wales - and you should find it!

We took the 'Miners' trail - which was about 7 miles from the car park to the base of the mountain - and that's where the huffin' and a puffin' started...

I must say in retrospect - after just having climbed a rather precipitous 1 000 odd meters - to then be faced with having to trek back another seven miles - I was none too amused - But God had promised me my healing was at the top of that mountain - and by Jimminy - NO-ONE was going to stop me climbing that mountain for a promise from God - or moaning about climbing back down and then hiking the seven miles back to the car park!

Regards

Ryan

Well I'm Off...

2008-05-16T10:04:00.000+01:00

Yip - peer pressure eventually won over - and I'm off to climb Mount Snowdown this arvie! Feeling a bit daunted - considering that there is rain (THIS IS THE LAND OF SOG) predicted this weekend - but on the whole - I'm quite excited! The guys I'm going with are a real kewl bunch - so looking forward to a good ol' laugh!

Robyn gets the house (almost) to herself for one whole day- and is looking forward to some precious mommie and Shaugie time.

On the work front - I've been frantically trying to drum up some business the past few weeks - but I know that things will come through - no doubt at the 11th hour! If any of you have worked with me (as a colleague or boss)- PLEASE spare me a thought and write a recommendation for me - I'd REALLY appreciate it! the website is: http://www.linkedin.co/in/ryanvine. The more recommendations I get - the higher up the search engine my CV goes! So be sure to be kind - PRETTY PLEEZZZZ!

Anyway - got my hiking boots on and my lederhosen packed - and I'm gonna go 'Climb every mountain' - well Mount Snowdown only...

See ya later

Ryan

High On A Hill Sat A Lonely Goatherd

2008-05-11T14:02:00.000+01:00

C'mon - you can do it...How bad could it actually be??!! Those are the fatal words that have been uttered by a group of my mates - in a effort to shame me into climbing Mount Snowdon on Saturday the 17th of May 2008.

The wikipedia website lists it as such:...the highest mountain in Wales and the highest British mountain south of the Scottish Highlands, is "probably the busiest mountain in Britain. read as there WILL be stag do's and drunken revelry in your immediate vicinity"[1] It is located in Snowdonia National Park (Welsh: Parc Cenedlaethol Eryri), in Gwynedd - read as I haven't got a CLUE with all the all the vowels and consonants to know where the hell I am... The summit is known as Yr Wyddfa (IPA: [ɐɾ 'wɪðva], Welsh for "the tumulus"[2]) and lies at an altitude of 1,085 metres (3,560 ft) above sea level - I can do this - I lived in Jo'burg for close on 30 years of my life - and THAT was only 2000 odd meters above sea level!!!!. For comparison, it is the same height as Table Mountain in South Africa - only you won't land up summiting Snowdown naked and bloody - with a sore bum - cos you got mugged and buggered by the 'bergies' on the scenic route!. As the highest peak in Wales, Snowdon is one of three mountains climbed as part of the National Three Peaks Challenge. The English name Snowdon comes from the Saxon "Snow Dun," meaning "snow hill," although the amount of snow on Snowdon in winter has been decreasing recently, having dropped by more than 55% since 1994.[3] Oh goody - so it won't be cold then...
Snowdon has one of the wettest climates in Great Britain, receiving an annual average of more than 4,500 millimetres (180 in) of precipitation.[4] - oh damn - so that means I'll be wet AND cold by the time I get up there...

So the dilemma I face is this - do I stay - or do I go...Watch this space - I might even post a pic or two...If I don't get up there - this is wot it looks like from the top...

Hey Yup Skipper!

2008-05-02T15:30:00.000+01:00

Well, it's taken us 5 years - but we decided it was about time that we set up a blog, to keep all our friends and family up to date with what was going on in the busy lives of the Brummie Vines...

Yes peeps - we have officially been in the UK 5 years as of the 1st of May 2008!

Sometimes it feels like another lifetime ago that we took our first brave (some would say stoopid) steps onto this green and pleasant Isle (also known as The Land of Sog) but we have survived it...Bought an apartment; refurbished the apartment and refurnished an entire house - not bad considering we arrived with just £2000; 3 suitcases and a 10 week old baby! And I can honestly say I don't regret a single day of any of our move!

So much has happened to us in those 5 years, that I sometimes feel I could write a book, to rival Tolstoy's 'War & Peace' - but I'll save you all the pain!

For those of you that didn't know, Robyn's division of the company she works for, was placed in liquidation in February - but thank God his hand of provision proved true, and out of a branch of several hundred staff, she was the only member of staff to be offered another position within the same company - working in another division on the 'Contracts' side of apetito's 'Meals on Wheels'. Supplying Old Age Homes; Schools and Hospitals with delicious meals - Yum Yum (Not)!

Shaugie is well and truly into the swing of 'Big School' now - and he is LOVING every minute of it - He can write his name - no mean feat considering we gave him such a LONG name; he can read and he can count and do sums - as well as piddle on the playground...

Now before you all do a double take...we were called into Ms Davie's classroom the other day(Shaugie's Teacher) and given a stiff telling off - because our very own (butter wouldn't melt in my mouth) Shaugs - had become so engrossed in chasing his mates around the playground, he couldn't make it to the boy's loos in time - so he nipped off behind a quiet tree and had a silent little piddle! Much to the utter disdain of his teacher.

I had a good chuckle and told her - 'At least he had the decorum to go behind a tree - and not whip his Wigglesworth out - and chase a bunch of screamin' girls around the playground with it'....methinks Ms Davies was NOT impressed - but I'm not TOO sure on that one...Will get back to you later on.

Me, well I'm still doin' my 'thang', producing corporate videos; leaflets; pamphlets and brochures - work is a little slow at the moment - but hopefully that is set to change in the foreseeable future! I had been winding down some of the work that was lined up - because for those of you that didn't know - we were due to fly to Turkey on the 20th of April for two weeks of five star ALL inclusive LUXURY at the WOW Topkapi Palace.

Well fate had other plans - and so after shelling out our hard earned dosh to Thomas CRook Holidays - we arrived at the airport at 04h00 pumped and ready to go - only to be told that Shaughan's Passport had expired by 14 days! I kid you not! FOUR people had checked the passport (including me) and no one had picked up the expiry date.

You could have bowled us all over with a feather. Thomas CRook contacted the Turkish immigration department to find out if they would bend the rules and allow him entry - but we were told outright that he would be detained and not released until a valid passport could be presented.

After some desperate calls to the Souf Effrican Embassy - we were told by a weker there, that it would take a MINIMUM of FOUR MONTHS for a new passport to be generated for my wee 'illegal alien'...And the thought of my Shaugs languishing in some Turkish Prison at the tender age of 5 was just a little too much to bear - although I must confess to being guilty of harbouring the thought of giving him the Taxi Fare back home - and the keys to the liquor cabinet - but it WAS only a fleeting thought!

So our holiday lay in tatters - and Thomas CRook have refused to try and salvage some of the holiday on our behalf. None of us could quite believe it - but we have picked ourselves up - and we will start saving again for another holiday (hopefully sometime soon) And this time - I'll make DAMN sure ALL passports are well within their sell by date! Robyn and Shaughan are actually now in the final process of getting their British Citizenship - and then we'll all be on British Passports!

Fortunately Robyn's company were gracious enough to cancel her leave - and Shaugie went begrudgingly back to School - where he has just been kept busy between 'footie' and Judo - he has just been awarded a certificate for his first 6 weeks of Judo training...Handy thing to have when you wanna annihilate pathetic ineffective airline staff and non-comital Souf Effrican Embassy wekers!

Shaughan is looking forward to having his Nanna & Poppa close by in the next month or so - they have just bought a house about 5 km's down the road from us - and are emigrating here on the 2nd of June. It's going to be great to have them nearby - and we can't wait for them to arrive.

They managed to sell their house in Kloof in record time, and the removals van has been in to pack the house and send it off to The Land Of Sog - so now they are all chomping at the bit to get here to the UK, where they can be closer to all of us - their move appears to have been a doddle by comparison to ours - but then again - I wouldn't have wished my worst enemies the hard time we were given when we naively stepped on to that Virgin Atlantic flight bound for England, way back in 2003!

Well - I must be on me bike - but please feel free to subscribe to our Blog - and we'll keep you updated! Till next time...Stay Safe

All Our Love

The Brummie Vines

XXXXXXXXXXXXX